Of Shinigami and Apples
by plusTHREE
Summary: Oneshots, twoshots, threeshots, fourshots and... you get the picture. Concerns the Bleach and Death Note characters. [xover with Death Note, obviously. Many characters, multipairings] Part 1: The Detective and the Drunk [LxMatsumoto] WIP
1. The Detective and the Drunk I :: LxMatsu

Disclaimer: Do not own, yada yada. I have a habit of writing things and not reading them over, as bad as that sounds... but whatever. Leave comments and such. I don't know if this series should be continued or not...

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Chapter One: The Detective and the Drunk

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God damnit...

"What's the point of being like this if I can't even use it to my advantage?"

Day fifty-seven and he had still yet to figure out how exactly how to extract the delicious looking morsel from the window of the bakery on the corner. It was ridiculous, it was vexing, and above all else, it was frustrating! He was a genius, right? That's what they called him when he was alive. A genius. An enigma of the highest honor. The greatest detective in the world.

Putting all THAT aside, he once again brought up the issue of his intelligence. How many times did he have to reassure himself of it? As many times as it took to restore his confidence, of course!

Yet, boosting his own ego did nothing to help him get that cake.

"Fufu..."

Swap, swap, swap.

L's arm swished back and forth in a repetative motion, dark rimmed eyes staring boredly at the girl as she pointed out in delight the cake that he was currently lusting for. It was no use. His arm just went right through her each and every time. Nothing happened! A single hair didn't move, and she just continued on her merry little journey of stealing his cake. Rotten kid.

As the man at the cashier smiled, retrieving the frosted goodness from the counter and handing it to her as she handed her money, L could only frown. What he would do to have a taste of sugar again... even if he was never hungry, he just wanted to have that sweetness back into his mouth. His pink tongue darted from his mouth, slowly running over his lips in yearning. The little girl was all smiles and giggles, thanking her mom profusely for the treat, taking said individual's hand, and skipping out of the bakery in delight.

"Brat."

He stuck his hands back into his pockets, hair falling in front of his eyes, slightly obstructing his view. The chain had shortened by some number of centimeters since he last checked, now only protruding six inches from his chest as opposed to the fifteen-foot length that it was originally when he first found out he was... err.. dead. L muttered something incoherent (not like it mattered, no one heard him), before turning and walking out from the store with his spirits-no pun intended-down.

He soon found himself wandering down the street of this god forsaken town, asking himself repeatedly why he chose to cling onto this life when there was perhaps so much more beyond this world. There was nothing that one would usually want to hold onto. It wasn't like he lost a love or anything. It wasn't like he had some purpose he needed to fulfill. He was betrayed and defeated by some high school kid who should've been modeling for shampoo commercials rather than killing people. Of course, following his demise, he had quickly figured out what had happened, albeit the knowledge was rendered useless in this state. He could no longer bring Kira... or should he say, Raito -- to justice. So what was the point of remaining? No purpose. No reason. And, to top it all off -- !!

**STOMP, STOMP, STOMP**

Bah.

L looked around the desolate street, his back slouched, a thoughtful expression on his features. The ground trembled beneath his feet. "Great. Another one?" he murmured, raising his head towards the source of his recent aggravations.

Surely enough, one of those troublesome things appeared not too far down the street. It came into view clearly. Roughly fifteen feet in length, shaped like a hippo, with stumpy legs and teeth. Big teeth. It was uglier than the others he had miraculously managed to evade over the weeks. L took his hand out of his pocket and reached up to scratch the side of his head, gazing at the masked monster, his face contorting from thoughtfulness to apathy. "Yare, yare. You're a fat thing, aren't you?"

The comment didn't do anything to deter the hippo-being from charging towards him, teeth bared, murderous intentions clear. With every stomp of its flat feet, the ground shook, L's facial features remaining relaxed.

**STOMP, STOMP, STOMP!!**

It was coming closer... death was coming closer. The spirit let out a small sigh, his eyelids closing. It was apparent now what he was doing... he was waiting for this to come and get him, to eat him. This was probably how souls moved from one place to another... Albeit it was a lot more violent than he originally thought (hell, he never even believed in an afterlife when he was alive), it was better than just idling about until that chain stuck on his chest disappeared. Who knew what would happen to him then?

It was so close now, so close. He could feel it, see it, hear it, even smell it now at that distance. As the beast neared him, it opened its mouth grotesquely wide, ready to take in his soul. He was going to die... again...

"... Yeah right."

An eyelid flitted open as he caught a glimpse of the creature, who was but ten feet away now.

Without a split second of hesitation, L jumped. About twenty feet into the air he jumped, earning a confused gurgle from his opponent. The hippo being immediately halted in its path, obviously not expecting something like that to happen. It let out a sky piercing scream before looking up for its supposed meal. It found him fast, simply because the seemingly passive spirit had just connected his foot with its head.

CRACK.

A rather forceful blow was dealt by the ex-detective. The monster skidded down the street, its large mass of a body crashing into a light pole. By then L had swiftly landed on the ground, hands once more buried into his pockets, observing the being with curious eyes. He scratched at his leg with the heel of his foot. "I've got to lend it to you, though. That time, it actually hurt."

Several seconds had passed before the monster regained it's composure, shifting back onto its feet.

_'Heh heh... I knew you had some spiritual power, but I didn't imagine this!! I should eat you now before any others do!!' _

He heard this and rolled his eyes. "I suggest you go away, unless you want to get kicked again."

_'Pathetic fool. You caught me off-guard then, but that was just a fluke! I have consumed many souls before you... our difference in power is obvious! You will see!'_

'Ugly and conceited. What a winner.' L thought placidly. He opened his mouth to say something else when the monster suddenly lifted up its foot, hitting the ground with such force that not only did the ground tremble, but break. A large hole appeared where foot to ground contact was made... and then a crack extended from it. He would've disregarded the act as a means of intimidating him, if not for the fact that it was coming towards him. His hands came out from his pockets in reflex, quick eyes catching sight of the line on the ground that was now below him.

It was quiet for a second.

The ground then opened up, swallowing his feet.

"What the?!"

_'Can't move now, eh, spirit? There's no use struggling... you are mine now.' _

L bit his bottom lip, attempting to pry his foot out from the ground. It didn't work.

"Shit..."

For the first time since it had appeared, his collected expression faltered. His eyes flickered back towards the creature, watching in horror as it shifted in its spot, opening its mouth yet again. It was preparing for another attack... and he was now a sitting duck.

It smiled back at him, then charged forward.

He was surely going to be eaten now. No matter how hard he pulled on his leg, he could not move from that spot. It was useless. He might as well give up -- no! He couldn't give up... he wouldn't give up. There was no way in hell that he would let himself die like this. L tugged at his leg again, grunting in perseverance; he could feel it, it was coming out! He could do this after all... but in time? It was already so close -- he would be lucky if he got one foot out by the time it would meet him! His eyes widened in stunned horror, body freezing up.

He wasn't going to make it.

This was surely the end.

**STOMP, STOMP, STO--**

_**"Unare, Haineko!"**_


	2. The Detective and the Drunk II

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

Notes: Bah, this 'one shot' is becoming longer than I thought. -- Damn it all, damn it all to hell. Haha.

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Part 1, Chpt 2: Meeting

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_"Unare, Haineko!"_

With the beast at such a close range, he didn't even bother trying to search for the source of the new voice. L's eyes remained locked on the teeth that were coming to greet him, waiting for that moment where all he would see would be darkness.

Darkness didn't come.

Instead, the creature had suddenly stopped, barely a foot away from the shaken spirit. It stared at him for a moment or so... which he hadn't anticipated, really. Though...what he really wasn't prepared for was the entire head of it to suddenly FALL OFF, sliding off from the neck. The body followed seconds later, meeting the ground with a loud thud. As if the scene wasn't disgusting enough as it was (and he had worked a lot of murder cases, so he had seen a lot of weird crap), it started spewing blood all over the place. Dark, almost black blood, which rained from the neck upon his body, staining his jeans and drenching his white t-shirt.

'Well...'

L blinked, spluttering the vile liquid out of his mouth.

'This is pleasant.' He thought, looking at the hippo-thing with disdain. Amazingly enough, after a short bit, it started... fading away. From what he gathered, particles were breaking off from the body into bright little orbs and floating off into the sky. It didn't take long for it to disintegrate entirely.

"Hey, ya spirit! You're all right, aren't you? Shake it off!"

He wiped some blood from the area around his eyes and cast his head down to stare at his attire. "Bluh." L only managed in response, a rather dark look crossing his face. On the plus side, he had managed to pull one of his feet out from the ground.

A laugh.

"At least you didn't get eaten."

The ex-detective flinched when he felt a sudden pressure , lifting his head and meeting brown eyes with ones of blueish gray.

She was pressing some kind of cloth on his face, wiping the blood from it.

"Aa... ano." what was she doing? Getting that close to a virtual stranger, and then cleaning his face?

"Can't have ya going to Soul Society covered in hollow blood."

L tilted his head, looking at her curiously. He studied her for a moment, noting all of her distinctive physical traits. A lot of hair, for one. A sort of orangey-blonde. There was a birthmark by her mouth. She was wearing a haori, with a pink scarf draped around her arms. Silver necklace. Full lips. A chest that could knock someone out if she ever intended to use them as a weapon. "Who are you?... what are you?"

Her eyebrows raised, hand dropping the bloodied cloth once she finished cleaning up his face. She immediately noticed his defined features. Small nose, pointed chin, dark circles underneath his eyes... it was probable he had gone through a lot when he was alive. Yet... the way he looked at her with those curious eyes gave the man a childish appearance. Innocent. Cute. Strange.

"Matsumoto Rangiku, shinigami. Nice to meet you," the tenth division fukutaichou said, extending her hand.

He stared at it.

Matsumoto waited.

He just stared some more.

Matsumoto continued to wait.

After what seemed like eternity, he spoke. "L. I don't want to get blood on you."

The buxom blonde now stared back, before a smile crept onto those full lips of hers. Weird name. Nice guy, though. "Sou desu ka."

His shoulders rose and fell in a lazy shrug. "Now, if you looked like Ryuk, it would be a different story."

"Who?"

"Nevermind."

She looked at him strangely, then nodded. Well, whatever. Without warning, Matsumoto suddenly bent down, grabbing at his leg.

"Oi! What're you doing?!" he yelled, abandoning the calm facade once more since she was practically attempting to molest him. He quickly put his hands on her, attempting to push the shinigami away.

"Hey, hey! Don't get blood in my hair!"

"Let go of me!"

"I'm trying to pull you out of the ground, baka!"

"I can do it myself!"

L rarely yelled at people... but this was an extreme case. A woman was glomping his leg, her assets pressed against his thigh, and this was just so damn wrong on so many levels that he didn't even know what to think at the momen--

"Aha!" Triumph. Victory. Matsumoto was able to yank his leg from the ground, but because of the bent position her body was in earlier, coped with L's attempts at shoving her off, she had lost her balance.

She wasn't the only one to do so. Once she lifted up his foot, his stasis was demolished as well, soon toppling over.

"Gah!!"

L's hands shot out reflexively to keep his head from hitting the ground (not like it mattered since he was already dead and all, but he noticed, things still hurt even if you were a spirit), but he found that it wasn't entirely necessary after all. Something... rather, someone had cushioned his fall. Well, scratch that, and make that some'thing' again. Her breasts were an entirely different entity.

"Ow! Jeez, what's with you? I told you, I was just trying to help you out..." Matsumoto muttered, glaring up at the man that was now on top of her. Unlike L, who looked positively mortified at the situation, she didn't seem to mind the position that they were in. Her head hurt a little bit, but other than that, it was surprisingly comfortable, with the exception of the fact that she now had icky hollow blood on her.

"I t-told you I could've done it myself," he responded quietly, unable to meet her eyes. His palms lay flat against the ground on either side of the fukutaichou's head, his chain squishing against her chest, his legs straddling one of hers... jesus, it was the most intimate he's ever been with anyone since... well, ever. So, it was not only frighteningly awkward, but frighteningly new. Despite him being a prodigy of sorts, he did not know what to say, what to think, or what to do at the current moment. All he did was stare at her, which he already did a lot of that today.

"...Are you okay, L?"

"..."

"...L?"

"..."

"L!"

"...I'm okay." Not. He was definately not okay. Slowly but surely he rolled off of the woman, looking extremely shaken from the experience. He moved into a crouching position on the ground, then looked up into the sky.

"Are you sure?" Ran asked, watching him carefully. She propped herself into a sitting position after he had gotten off, subconsciously feeling disappointment from the loss of contact.

"Well, what do you think?"

"Aa. Right." She brushed some hair from her face, sparing a glance at her body. It was smudged with blood here and there, but nothing a good bath wouldn't fix. "It's probably the first time you've seen something like that, huh?"

L's embarassment disappeared. "No."

She frowned. "Nani?"

"I've been getting followed by a lot of those, as you say, 'hollows' recently."

"...Nani?"

"Mm-hmm. This is the first one I haven't been able to evade."

Matsumoto guffawed. He had not only been stalked by this hollow, but others? "How did you escape from them?"

"Oh, you know. Kick them around until they go away."

Now her eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. "You've been fighting them?!"

"I guess you could call it that."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was the first case she's ever heard of a plus doing these kind of things, much less actually having an impact. He's succeeded this feat not once, not twice, but several other times apparently.

It was then that she realized... the spiritual energy had never left. She had been distracted by L, not yet noticing that the reiatsu that originally beckoned her to this particular area still loomed about. Granted, it disappeared every moment or so, but sure enough it always came back. At first she thought it was the hollow's... now she realized that it was his.

'Is this possible? A spirit developing this kind of power before even arriving at Soul Society?' she thought, observing L. He was seemingly lost in thought as well, head tilted upwards, still watching the darkening sky. The sun was setting.

"Hm."

"Hm, indeed. Are you done gaping at me?"

She blinked.

"I wasn't gaping."

He chuckled.

"You were."

She scowled.

"Was not."

He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you were."

L placed his hands on his knees, then stood up, still looking at the sky. "Rangiku-san... walk with me."

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End file.
